Rapid Descent Into Rampage

Radio across the nation, killing us with radiation!

I give my brother money to buy some bread and honey -
He puts on his cloaks and rags;
He comes on home - totally stoned...
He bought some nickel bags!
I beat him up - society's corrupt! It's a social disease!
The President and Parliament are vacationing overseas!

Ripshit rampage! Blow the world to nothing!
Ripshit rampage! Someone press the button!

For days and days I never got a raise...
I asked for one - I lost my job;
Had a house but I was kicked right out
Now, I got a bus stop!
My brother's gonna cry 'cause he can't get high
but there are other ways to leave the ground;
He could take a plane but that would be insane
‘cause someone's gonna shoot it down!

My brother's only six, he's having sex -
He's a one man show;
Every radio station across the nation
Never plays our rock 'n' roll!
To put this hell to an end, we need a godsend,
Life on earth can exist no more...
When we die, no one's gonna cry
For our teeming shore!

Little Casimir's Fair

The band starts a-rockin’- a wolf is on the loose!
His eyebrow’s a-cockin’ - he saw a nice caboose!
Gets her on the dance floor, does a dirty boogie;
No need to pay a whore at Kaziuko Muge!

Because… It’s the fair of Little Casimir!
Around the fourth of March, every year!
Purchase a gintaras souvenir!
Refresh yourself with an ice cold beer!

People start to pack in -the band fills the venue!
The wolf’s now attackin’ sausage on the menu!
So easy to swallow - he won’t hock a loogie ;
Who knows what will follow at Kaziuko Muge?!

Amber baubles, amber bottles, you bet we’re rockin’ role models!

The band plays the last dance but Lady Luck beckons:
“Your 50/50 Chance gets ya sloppy seconds!”
Bartender shouts,“Last call!” - the wolf gives a noogie...
That turns into a brawl at Kaziuko Muge!

Does the Carpet Match the Drapes?

Sally is sunflower blond, works at Bed, Bath and Beyond;
Mary’s fro is midnight black, she’s a kleptomaniac!
Pat’s hair is pomegranate, she’s from another planet;
Apricot are April’s locks, heard her say “Steel Wolf rocks!”

"Honey-hair" describes Heather, she’s always in tight leather;
Charlene’s mop is champagne fizz, many split ends, lots of frizz…
Alice is an almond cream, she’s chasing an acting dream;
Cathy’s curls are caramel, there isn’t more to tell…

All day I sit and wonder… not if man evolved from apes!
Just how things are down under: Does the carpet match the drapes?

Cindy is cinnamon red, she’s always high-spirited;
Chamomile are Karen’s braids, she always got good grades…
Martha’s mohawk has turned grey, I saw her the other day;
Shelia’s head is clean shaven, I heard she’s misbehavin’!

The Melon Song

A wedding is expensive - he’s at the end of his rope;
It’s made him apprehensive - she says they can’t elope…
Johnny, time for a show! Grab your guitar ‘n’ amp!
Where do “can’t elopes” go? John Cougar’s Melon Camp!

Melons oughta be heavy for their size...
Gotta use your hands, gotta use your eyes!
First comes love, then comes marriage
Then comes a cantaloupe in the melon carriage!

They’re happily married but he’s still singin’ the blues;
He’s feelin’ so damn harried - honey don’ts ‘n’ honey do’s…
Johnny, time for a show! Grab your guitar ‘n’ amp!
Where can “honey do's” go? John Cougar’s Melon Camp!

…Then comes a honeydew in the melon carriage!

He’s turned cold as a stone and rolls towards the egress...
But she’s in no way alone... Too bad he wasn’t seedless!
Johnny, time for a show! Grab your guitar ‘n’ amp!
Where could seedless fruits grow? John Cougar’s Melon Camp!

…Then comes a seedless one in the melon carriage!

Sleep On The Porch

Two friends on a lawn, paper cups are drawn,
Brandy is the reason;
Take a couple sips, lick it from their lips,
They're finding it quite pleasin'…
Finish off a cup, fill it right back up,
The cycle is repeated;
But then who arrives? Their two lovely wives,
Who feel that they've been cheated!

Wives mean what they say
When life gives 'em beets - they make borscht!
Wives say what they mean
Tonight, these guys sleep on the porch!

Their drink's good 'n' gone but their thirst goes on,
Hear’em yell “Ooo-wee!”;
Open up a jug, drink and give a shrug,
Then ask "Is that Drambuie?"
Take a couple swigs, sing “War Pigs”
“Gen’rals in their masses…”
Run for their lives, because their wives
Are gonna kick their asses!

In the dog days of summer the porch can be nice
Drinking brandy from a paper cup…
In the dead of the winter it’s covered with ice -
That brandy warms you right up!

Two wives on a lawn, paper cups are drawn
Brandy is the reason;
Take a couple sips, lick it from their lips,
They feel they need pleasin'…

Summer of 69in'

Summer is the best season eating that which is pleasin’ -
Wet clam ‘n’ big cucumber equals the greatest number!

It’s the summer of sixty-nining…
Though you go where the sun aint shining…
You do enjoy some real fine dining…
Every cloud’s got a silver lining!

High noon, the fourth of July, hot dog ‘n’ hot apple pie
Delights summertime snackers blowing off firecrackers!

I want a first-rate hummer, can’t have an endless summer;
Sweet end melts right in my mouth...
Spend summertime way down south!

Bank of Dreams

At the bank of dreams the night before
Trouble came straight in from the cruel north…
Makin’ those cool moves, holdin’ the wheel
Robbed the bank of dreams, took all to steal…

Drivin’ through the night that withdrawal keeps on burnin’
Bottled up inside, no deposit, no returning...

Runs with a fury to velvet ends
His girl knows the plot, they’re more than friends…
Days without whiskey, nights without snort
No one can catch him on that old horse…

Mollie and Peter, shots in the air
A clean getaway is really rare…oh, so damn rare!

Worth It In The End

Ben Franklin don’t care that you ate nine muffins last night,
Work hard for your money all week so you got the right;
You call a number from the back of the Village Voice,
If you really need some lovin’, you aint got a choice…

Got some money to spend! You buy yourself a friend!
You pay extra to bend! It’s worth it in the end!

Your co-workers are getting drunk at happy hour,
They never call you ‘cause they think you don’t shower;
You call a number you saw scrawled in the bathroom stall,
If you want some golden lovin’ and a good time - Call…

Work was wonderful this week – you made a lot of sales,
But you celebrate all by yourself with sweet cocktails;
You call a number on a forgotten napkin scrap
‘Cause you really need some lovin’ before your night cap…

Got some money to spend! You buy yourself a friend!
They got a tool to lend! It’s worth it in the end!

The Perfect Solution

Growin’ up, growin’ weed
Your parents never gave you money you’d need
You begged your mom, you begged your dad
Not to beat you every chance they had!
You went to church, you went to school
Your life was fucked up but you played it cool!
You had no friends, you had no cash
Your life was burning like a cigarette ash!

Your parents never came to your graduation,
Your friends never came when you’d call;
Your sponsor never came to your confirmation...
And you never came at all!

Feel like I’ve been heavily boozin’
Livin’ life of total confusion
It’s like some mad optical illusion
I gotta find, gotta find the perfect solution!

Got a girl, got a gun
Now I’m gonna have some fun!

The house is on fire! What should I do? Scrub my deck...
We have a flat tire! Your mother’s a liar! Your dad’s on the wire!

Born in a gutter, raised in another
You don’t have a father, you don’t have a mother
You tell your girlfriend “Gimme head!”
Now her brains are filled with lead!

Aural Sects at Gun Point

See a nun and just for fun
Whip it out, watch her run
You tell her to suck it, she says she’ll just pull it
Now the bitch bites the bullet!

Everybody’s eatin’ your pubic beard
Bury’em in Vaseline, man, you’re weird
You got a gun to her head, she starts to cough
Now the bitch bites it off!

Your life’s been ridiculous
You sucker for a real good time...
Now you are dickless because
You turned to a life of crime...

Take it up the…
Face the problem like a man!
Take it up the…
Spend a week on the can!
You rot in a prison cell
You’re lucky you’re not hangin’ by a rope!
But you’ll only start to feel the hell
When you bend to get the fuckin’ soap!

Take it up the…
Tho’ your insides’ll burn ‘n’ swell!
Take it up the…
And doncha use no KY gel!

Problems come and problems go
Make sure you just face them all head on...
And inside you will start to grow
Just remember this hole fuckin’ song!

Take it up the ass!
Doncha know what you must do?
Take it up the ass!
And for lubricant use crazy glue!